A fetish club is a place you can be yourself and meet open-minded people with different preferences. Unlike Fight Club, there are unwritten (and sometimes written depending on the club) rules that can help you play safely, limit the amount of annoyance you may cause and uphold the clubs’ ethos. Disobeying these rules can lead to you getting less action, being kicked out of the club or alienated you from a carefully policed community. You may even get an audience with the real police.
Dress up
While club owners know that every fetish club visitor doesn’t necessarily have a fetish for dressing up, they understand that having a code will help create atmosphere and discourage “tourists” (people who see fetish as a freak show). Each club has its own dress code and some are stricter than others. There are a few that will let you wear street codes, some that are happy with visitors wearing black, others that won’t let you in if you’re wearing high street PVC and some who require you to wear a particular style or material. If you aren’t sure what to wear it’s worth calling ahead of your visit or checking the club’s website.
Don’t get paralytic
Most clubs have a bar and lots of kinksters do drink – they see it as part of their hedonistic fun. There are also lots of kinksters who see it as an interruption to sensation. Whenever you are playing, particularly if you are experimenting with bondage, S/M, elcetroplay or fire then it is a very good idea to keep a clear head. Alcohol dulls your pain receptors, messes with your aim and impedes your ability to react in an emergency or pick up on any signals of displeasure from partner(s).
Unobtrusive voyeurism is fine
Many clubs have viewing galleries and many kinksters are exhibitionists so welcome your excited or curious gaze. Do keep your distance and if you must ask questions, give pointers or want to join in, make sure the scene has finished. Interrupting a scene is a massive no no, as is walking through a scene accidentally so do be mindful of your surroundings. If you think there is a problem with any play you witness, it is best to alert a dungeon monitor – staff hired by the club to keep the dungeon in check and give advice. If you don’t know who they are then ask other club goers.
No sex please
Nudity may be fine (check club rules) but most fetish clubs do not have a sex license so if you bang genitals with another person, masturbate or insert something into someone’s orifice, or put your mouth on, in or over someone’s genitalia, you will likely be treated the same way as if you were caught having sex in a regular club. If you want to have nookie, look out for clubs that are more liberal (some turn a blind eye) or that have a license. Some sex/swinging clubs have BDSM nights.
Be mindful of DS dynamics
If a submissive is under the control of a dom/me, it is the done thing to ask permission to talk to their submissive. If you are not a dom(me) or sub but are in a club which caters to this dynamic then be mindful of areas where you are asked to neutral. For example clubs like dominatrix paradise Club Pedestal (www.clubpedestal.com) have this policy for male dominants.
Don’t stalk
Just because you have paid your money and obeyed the dress code, remember you are not entitled to play or be played with. Persistently asking someone to play with you is both bad form and flipping annoying. Some clubs have house dom/mes or slaves and you can sign up to play with them. But they still have the right to refuse you.
Don’t monopolise equipment
However fabulous or famous you are on the fetish scene, spending all night on one piece of equipment when there is a queue for it is plain rude. Remember not everyone has access to equipment, an environment where they are free to be noisy or people to play with outside the club. Also some people have travelled many miles to be there.
Remember not all fetishists are the same
Even if you have a similar fetish to someone else, remember everyone has different pain thresholds and preferences for tools, equipment, styles and/or dynamics. So don’t make assumptions about what new sub or dom/me may like. Each time you play it is likely to be different, this is one of the exciting things about play.
Don’t do damage
Even if your sub wants their limits pushed and is not afraid of breaking skin, whipping someone until they bleed, or their posterior becomes a blistering, postulating mess is not on in a club. Remember some people use fake blood for effect, so if you suspect this is happening, checking with a dungeon monitor before alerting the authorities is a good idea. Some clubs have dedicated areas for medical play, branding and edge play. The practitioners may not have a medical license but they should be experienced. If you indulge in this, be sure that all tools are sterile, there is a medical kit close by and no one involved is intoxicated.
Beware of the dogma
There are so many people with a view of the right way to do kink, whether it’s the right way to hit, tie a knot, order a sub or train a human dog. Some people are happy for tips while some just want to get on with what they doing. Do not impose your views on others; if you are being lectured, don’t be shy of saying you are not interested. If you are being dangerous or breaking the clubs rules then that is quite another thing. But as long as you are obeying the kink mantra of being safe, sane and consensual (which is what this list amounts to) then the best rule is to enjoy yourself.
This blog was written for fetish networking site iFet.com
Dress up
While club owners know that every fetish club visitor doesn’t necessarily have a fetish for dressing up, they understand that having a code will help create atmosphere and discourage “tourists” (people who see fetish as a freak show). Each club has its own dress code and some are stricter than others. There are a few that will let you wear street codes, some that are happy with visitors wearing black, others that won’t let you in if you’re wearing high street PVC and some who require you to wear a particular style or material. If you aren’t sure what to wear it’s worth calling ahead of your visit or checking the club’s website.
Don’t get paralytic
Most clubs have a bar and lots of kinksters do drink – they see it as part of their hedonistic fun. There are also lots of kinksters who see it as an interruption to sensation. Whenever you are playing, particularly if you are experimenting with bondage, S/M, elcetroplay or fire then it is a very good idea to keep a clear head. Alcohol dulls your pain receptors, messes with your aim and impedes your ability to react in an emergency or pick up on any signals of displeasure from partner(s).
Unobtrusive voyeurism is fine
Many clubs have viewing galleries and many kinksters are exhibitionists so welcome your excited or curious gaze. Do keep your distance and if you must ask questions, give pointers or want to join in, make sure the scene has finished. Interrupting a scene is a massive no no, as is walking through a scene accidentally so do be mindful of your surroundings. If you think there is a problem with any play you witness, it is best to alert a dungeon monitor – staff hired by the club to keep the dungeon in check and give advice. If you don’t know who they are then ask other club goers.
No sex please
Nudity may be fine (check club rules) but most fetish clubs do not have a sex license so if you bang genitals with another person, masturbate or insert something into someone’s orifice, or put your mouth on, in or over someone’s genitalia, you will likely be treated the same way as if you were caught having sex in a regular club. If you want to have nookie, look out for clubs that are more liberal (some turn a blind eye) or that have a license. Some sex/swinging clubs have BDSM nights.
Be mindful of DS dynamics
If a submissive is under the control of a dom/me, it is the done thing to ask permission to talk to their submissive. If you are not a dom(me) or sub but are in a club which caters to this dynamic then be mindful of areas where you are asked to neutral. For example clubs like dominatrix paradise Club Pedestal (www.clubpedestal.com) have this policy for male dominants.
Don’t stalk
Just because you have paid your money and obeyed the dress code, remember you are not entitled to play or be played with. Persistently asking someone to play with you is both bad form and flipping annoying. Some clubs have house dom/mes or slaves and you can sign up to play with them. But they still have the right to refuse you.
Don’t monopolise equipment
However fabulous or famous you are on the fetish scene, spending all night on one piece of equipment when there is a queue for it is plain rude. Remember not everyone has access to equipment, an environment where they are free to be noisy or people to play with outside the club. Also some people have travelled many miles to be there.
Remember not all fetishists are the same
Even if you have a similar fetish to someone else, remember everyone has different pain thresholds and preferences for tools, equipment, styles and/or dynamics. So don’t make assumptions about what new sub or dom/me may like. Each time you play it is likely to be different, this is one of the exciting things about play.
Don’t do damage
Even if your sub wants their limits pushed and is not afraid of breaking skin, whipping someone until they bleed, or their posterior becomes a blistering, postulating mess is not on in a club. Remember some people use fake blood for effect, so if you suspect this is happening, checking with a dungeon monitor before alerting the authorities is a good idea. Some clubs have dedicated areas for medical play, branding and edge play. The practitioners may not have a medical license but they should be experienced. If you indulge in this, be sure that all tools are sterile, there is a medical kit close by and no one involved is intoxicated.
Beware of the dogma
There are so many people with a view of the right way to do kink, whether it’s the right way to hit, tie a knot, order a sub or train a human dog. Some people are happy for tips while some just want to get on with what they doing. Do not impose your views on others; if you are being lectured, don’t be shy of saying you are not interested. If you are being dangerous or breaking the clubs rules then that is quite another thing. But as long as you are obeying the kink mantra of being safe, sane and consensual (which is what this list amounts to) then the best rule is to enjoy yourself.
This blog was written for fetish networking site iFet.com
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